Worst Christmas

真是可怕的一个假日。
本来以为就算没有什么地方可以去，也可以在家休息一天。
结果需要陪一个Client Company的Board of Director 4天。整个Christmas就毁掉了。
She is the most inconsiderate, condescending, racist... ... person i ever met in my life.
Disgusting.
That's the only word I can describe my feeling, disgusting.
I don't want to judge people in anyway, but she is unbelievability unbearable.
She is “evil".

For example, I have to drive 1 hour to her hotel, and drive another 4.5 hours to her destination hotel on Christmas day. When we got there, I didn't get any thank you.
After I checked in and checked out the room, I asked her if she want to go get her luggages with in the car three times, she replied no. So, I walked out the door to go get my own luggage.
Then, she walked out of the door, and asking me did I hear what she said in such a demanding manner as if i owe her something. I said no. Obviously, she almost yelled at me saying she didn't like the fact tht I was giving her an attitude.
I was totally speechless.
Then she went on how I was so quiet for the whole trip, and didn't explain anything along the road. She is a person very easy to be with and if I don't like to be with her, then she'll fly back home right the way......
WTF? Does she expect someone to drive 6 hours straight and keep a smile on one's face all the way? Am I her servant? Where's my pay? I'm giving her attitude? OMG!
I've been treated like that for 4 days straight.
传说中用下巴看人的富家大小姐？
ORZ之

I also lost my iPhone in Christmas day. Hmm... Great Present for whoever picked it up. Hope that person would enjoy it.
^^||

I was so happy when I dropped her off in her hotel yesterday.
Freedom! and no more urge to smack her... ...
==

寻找新家

今天看了５间apartment，都很不喜欢
汗
可是价格都是在800一个月了
明天看看１１００左右的，如果能有１，２个月免费的management special
算下来也差不多900一个月了
自己一个人住真是花钱
自由和没有麻烦人际的代价
：）
看了眼astro.com的forcast

Uranus conjunction IC:
"New insights Mid March 2007 until mid February 2008: At this time there will be many changes within yourself, which will be reflected in your immediate personal environment - your home - and in your most intimate personal relationships within the home, as with parents or partner. This influence can signify disruptive events in this area of your life and energies that require you to drop everything else to deal with. On the most mundane level this influence can signify a sudden event in your home or real estate"

Saturn square Ascendant:
Appropriate relationships End of October 2007 until beginning of August 2008: This influence signifies a time of severe testing in your relationships with others. The demands of your work or the demands of your personal life will force you to reevaluate which relationships in your life are worth keeping and which are not. If you do not face this challenge consciously, the pressure of events will force you to do so, because people who have been with you for a long time will leave against your wishes.
There is often a strong tendency to build a wall between you and others without even realizing it. The only way you will know is that suddenly you will feel alone and out of touch with everybody. You may feel that you have no support from others, even loved ones whom you have counted on in the past for love and support. This may represent a temporary state of affairs or a passing mood. Or it may represent a serious breakdown in your relationships because of misplaced priorities in the past or because of associating with people who were wrong for you in terms of your personal goals and needs.

看来２００８还是ｔｒｏｕｂｌｉｎｇ　ｔｉｍｅ

冷淡vs热情

和intp的某人聊天，谈起自己目前没目标的困惑
某人：如果我想做，就把它做好，后果或者目标就由不得我了。关键是我想做的很少，^_^
某人：关键是我想做的很少，我也是＝＝
我：是不是我们缺乏热情的关系，为什么觉得没什么东西可以让自己devote everything into it
某人: 嗯，是，是缺少热情或者激情
某人: 我羡慕那些有激情的人，为了钱，为了生存，或者更好的生存，
我：我也很羡慕
我: 反正好像是我们的方向出问题了？因为我们很羡慕人家有激情的人，然后想找到能让自己产生激情的目标或者事物，然后但是本身没有热度，所以就。。。？

INTJ Forum 某intj female的intro:
"Each day trouble awaits, and sometimes I like to find it. I am into life, I see value in all forms of life, because it is so fragile and I believe it is over when life dies (no afterlife, just life sacrificed in death so new life can exist). Love is the highest form of emotion, I am still taking a true beating in my attempts to find it, yet I still look. I question my own cold nature, I get ice cold, is that a flaw or a strength??? I know the flaws in perception and I hate lies, yet I am a deceiver of the boring, not interesting, talkers that seem to be the vast majority of people"

COLD，这个词用的真贴切
i feel the exactly the same
I get ice cold.

是不是大部分intj/intp都这么感觉呢？
真是非常羡慕那些有目标的人，是想出人头地，还是荣华富贵，是嫁给有钱人，还是拯救世界，能全心全意突入去追求
我无法做到，没有什么可以值得我devote everything的东西吧
其实本身就没那么多热情的关系
所以就不必要羡慕别人
冷淡地用第三角度来看待自己的生命，才是适合我这样的人的生活方式吧

又是一周

Ten of Cups - Reversed
in the Past position.

A card in the left position indicates what has happened to affect your question in the past.

Outmoded path. Not receiving reward for effort. Indignation. Not being appreciated or understood. Strife and pettiness mar home life. Emotional exhaustion.



The Horned One - Reversed
in the Present position.

A card in the middle position indicates what is affecting your question at this time.

The destructive, upsetting force in the universe. Panic. Appetite with no conscience. Evil. Violence, perversion, and depravity. Oppression and weakness. The use of religion, virtue, and guilt as a weapon. Self-flagellation. Poor choices. Blind jealousy.



Five of Cups
in the Future position.

A card in the right position indicates your questions future.

Disappointment. Being held at a disadvantage and manipulated by emotional strings. Unfulfilled dreams. Feeling an energy drain. Spilled milk. Suffering over one's suffering. Difficulty accepting a loss. Disbelief. Senseless loss. Lingering gloom. Being limited by the haunting of past experience. Weight. Slow healing.



又是一周过去了
很快的时间

feel so distanced from everyone
maybe i'm just excluded myself from everyone
time for a change?
i'm longing to go back to Vancouver or going to somewhere else
feel so frustrated in Florida
this is definitely not a place to call home

looking for a new place to rent
i want my own place this time
rental rate is so high though, the lower range is around $850 for a 1/1
lol
whatever, i'm tired
however, took me so long to earn my capoeria teacher's respect and attention, hard just to give everything up
on second thought though, i'm always behind 2 other people on his preference of training
i don't know, maybe i should really go back
i think i'll be much happier in Vancouver
at least i have few true friends there

right now i just to work very hard to stand firm in my new firm and that's my priority
actually i have no need to think about future education, self-actualization or personal relationships other than work as of now
i guess i'll give myself 6 month to decide, i'll leave after my brace come off my teeth

First Paycheck

终于发钱了，嘿嘿，虽然银行还没收到钱，但是还是安心一点吧
刚刚写好Draft Report, 从早上8点一直盯着电脑，眼睛都快花了
赚口饭吃还真是不容易
晚上估计还要改几个小时

昨天去了Capoeira，老师又发疯了，叫我们一人count 100 situps，13，14个人吧，唉，肌肉好痛，我真自虐。==

和A聊了一下，好像不能做她的roommate呢，不过她说她可以教我西班牙语，一小时20块钱。
：）
不过总有机会交到西语的朋友的
un dia! puedo hablar espanol con fluencia......

Standup Fight

昨天实在忍不住，就找了教练standup一战
果然，和我想象地一样
他close range的拳完全不行，我的腿速比他快很多
当然他的take down比我好多了，当然如果take me到地面的话，我直接放弃
当然，不排除我已经被摧残？（训练）了3小时，已经没啥力气了==，否则escape应该还是没有问题
教练叫我星期一带拳套
嘿嘿
我的左边还是很烂==
但是capoeira确实改变了我一点style吧，不会walk into a kick
当然现在我至少不会在play capoeira的时候有心理阴影了
他应该不会那么容易walk over me了＝＝
FEAR is the Mind Killer.

好像又要搬家了
＝＝
才２个月前搬，呵呵，其实包没完全拆出来
这样也好
Roommate很可能会是教我西班牙的一个女生
This should be very good for my spanish, awesome!
Of course not so good for my chinese... ==
又要挪动了
我妈电话里郁闷的声音，真的很好笑
她最希望我就乖乖地待在一个地方，找人结婚生子，一份工作安安稳稳做到老，她也就不用担心
只是那样就不是我了
I can't live that way and that live will just slowly kill me.
Sorry Mom, but unsettleness is my nature. LOL
freedom brings me peace, that's all

多疑的人性

OK, This is my third week back and just the third days of my work. Everything comes back in a circle, and Again I face a terrible situation.
A friend called me to ask me to answer her honestly if I helped someone she now has conflict with.
That hurts.
Really bad.
Now I realize why she doesn't talk to me for a few days now.
But as the way I see it, when I trust a friend, then I mean I TRUST. I trust myself to know a friend well. Even I don't see a person as a friend, but if I promised to keep something confidential, it will be CONFIDENTIAL. That's my moral. However, I do ask the same trust in return, I expect a friend to know me well too.
Sad thing is, friendship is very fragile. Once this delicate vase has been damaged, then there will always be a scar on top.
Once I feel my trust has not been equally matched, then I'll hold back my trust too.
Yes, it hurts.
It is funny when she choose the words "answer her question honestly". There is no dishonesty from the start. Unconsciously, she already labled me was "dishonest" before this question.
No grudge, but I'll keep my distance very respectively.

Make Decisions, Never Look Back, and Move forward.
Because if there is time for regret or wish things could been better, then it is better to be spent on how to improve your present and fture.

Free

"Why do you test for humans?" he asked.

"To set you free."

"Free?"

"Once men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them."

"'Thou shalt not make a machine in the likeness of a man's mind,'" Paul quoted.

"Right out of the Butlerian Jihad and the Orange Catholic Bible," she said. "But what the O.C. Bible should've said is: 'Thou shalt not make a machine to counterfeit a human mind.'"

有机会再看一遍沙丘
:)
Remind of myself of what's important and what's not.

零下15度的周末

零下15度的感觉真是非常恐怖

尤其是从30度温暖的Florida一下过渡到那么冷的地方

风吹在脸上真的是刀割一般

本来是打算Montreal一日游，Ottawa半日游

结果星期天早上就不肯出去了

^^

不过喝到非常好喝的Moca with Dark Chocolate, caught up with my dear "sis", and finished half of How Memory Works。

还是很有收获的。Especially taken me out of stressful situation, gave me a break, and I can take on more challenges NOW.