Diane Arbus

昨天借了Diane Arubs A Biography。其实想借的是Diane Arubs Revelations的。今天却看不进去任何书。翻倒最后一页，却看到这样一段话：

Back at Westbeth the tenants started discussing Diane's suicide. Then a squabble began between several artists as to who would get her apartment. "It was one of the biggest in the building." a playwright says. "It had such a great view."

这就是死亡吧？After death, you mean nothing anymore. People can say anything and do anything that would be offensive/politically incorrect before a person's death.

很多著名的Artists都以自杀为结局。想来是因为自己had a dim hope for humanity，然后为了这渺茫的希望，牺牲自己的可以有的少忧少虑的生活，去和一切丑陋的，黑暗的，压抑的，不公正的。。。。。社会一面打交道，希望能改变点什么。就那么努力了10年20年，却发现自己的努力是多么地微弱，什么都无法改变。然后因为和人性的黑暗一面接触地太多，连自己都迷失了，在也回不到blessed with ignorance的状态。然后再在年龄打击下，就失去了生活的勇气，had to take one's own life as their last protest.

Hope is so dim, yet I still have to see it for myself.