Theme

"Beyond a critical point within a finite space, freedom diminishes as numbers increase. This is as true of humans in the finite space of a planetary ecosystem as it is of gas molecules in a sealed flask. The human question is not how many can possibly survive within the system, but what kind of existence is possible for those who do survive."
-Pardot Kynes, First Planetologist of Arrakis

New Project

用牌看了一下我的project的发展走向。

三张全部是major arcana，对未来的影响很大，很少有这么强大的组合。

Sleep, Sleep...

I had a good sleep, but i still need more.
My body is coming to a limit again.
Anger is uncontrollable again. Hopefully I can rest well and keep my weight down this week.
Bad feeling... As if my life is burning out on me and hope is so dim, yet i have no desire to end it yet.

Mind: Shame. An imposter. A state of denial. Unrequited love. Cruel gossip.

Body: Competition. Erratic energy. Confusion. Inconsistent effort. Preoccupation with material acquisitions. Appearing a fool in trying to keep up with the Joneses. Overspending. Impatience and stress. Waxing and waning of purpose. Clash of ideas and principles. Sloppy effort. Rebellion and turmoil. Breakdown of communication. Hurting others by giving mixed messages. Need to reevaluate situation, organize, and start afresh.

Soul: Opportunity. Swift response. Thinking on one¹s feet. Opening. Adventure. Chance to make great progress if one has the courage and wits to act quickly. Travel entailing a spiritual lesson. Can signify falling in love. Time of hope. Make your move. Opportunity afoot; make haste. Whirlwind of romance. Arrows of love.










My mind is depressed, my body is struggling and my soul needs a break from everything.

人生的课题

Eight of Swords - Reversedin the Past position. A card in the left position indicates what has happened to affect your question in the past.Betrayal. Unexpected aggression. Threatening situation. Can represent illness. The need to be on guard.

The Chariotin the Present position. A card in the middle position indicates what is affecting your question at this time.Triumph. Victory parade. Success of a multifaceted endeavour. Leadership, competence, and maturity. Conquest. An evolved personality. Courage. Being centered and secure. Moral, ethical progress and conduct. A high-minded, honourable approach to life. Balance, integration. Harmony of opposite tensions. Equilibrium. Reconciling opposing forces or views. Uniting right and left brain functions. Control over inner conflicts. Harnessing wild energies. Life unfolding at an accelerated pace, yet maintaining direction. Finding one¹s stride. Enjoying the thrill and ride of life. Engaging an ambition or dream. Achievement. High energy. Promotion, honours, and reward. Overcoming opposition. May indicate a rescue, as in the arrival of the cavalry.

Temperancein the Future position. A card in the right position indicates your questions future.Tempering. Moderation. Adaptation. Managing a volatile situation in a calm, thoughtful way. Grace under pressure. Healing. Balance, reflection, and patience. Having clear boundaries. A confident and outspoken survivor. Bridging two very different worlds. The successful mixing of two opposites. Combining materials. This tarot card is sometimes called the Art card and speaks of visionary art that brings ideas from one world to the next. Being of two worlds. Ability to adapt. Beneficial transformation. Successful combination of ideas, lifestyles, or people. Creating a nurturing, appropriate environment. Caring for one¹s health. Repose. Feeling protected and removed. Guardian angel. Self-control. Compatibility. Blending and harmony. Finding inner peace. A period of waiting and constructive use of time.

用塔罗看了一下人生的课题。希望能走向temprance吧。

终于从sword 8的束缚走出来了。

:)

昨天夜晚在曲阜散步的时候，在仿古的城墙边上看到一群老人，在仿古的灯下打牌乘凉。他们的脸真是非常美丽，刻满了时间的痕迹。我带了相机去，但是不愿意拿出来破坏那样的美景。我想这就是“和平”吧？我一直看着他们，真是令人安详的画面。

恍如隔世

I'm a totally different person today compare to a few weeks ago.
So many things happened, and my views are changed drastically.
I still can't believe people can be so manipulative even to their friends.
Workplace can be so cruel sometimes.
Questions i asked a few weeks ago I can truely answer them myself right now.
Let's hope i'll grow and mature as time goes by.

It is by those who have suffered......

中午吃完饭的时候，掰开fortune cookie，看见唯一一次觉得喜欢的fortune:

It is by those who have suffered that the world is most advanced.

这两天感觉好很多，可能是因为hit到rock bottom，然后nothing can be worse吧?

流光飞舞

精神已经紧张到崩溃的边缘吧？
虽然没有在表面显露出来，但是现在极端急躁
虽然脚趾的痛被压住，但是能欺骗的只是脑子而不是身体
很多事情在这2星期发生，都不知道怎么反应
按照我一向后知后觉的放映，估计要花很长一段时间来消化吧
倒是进一步证明了没有什么人可以依靠的，no one will be there for me when i need someone
what a stupid pride i cline on!

星期四下午，可能2星期没休息好，精神恍惚，开门不小心就把左脚big toe的脚趾甲整个给欣起来了
真是剧痛，然后就在那里发笑
不想去医院，让同事帮我找一个创可贴就自己开车回家了
然后处理伤口，撒上云南白药，包好
应该是因为太痛了，nerve就把痛苦的感觉给切了，到了半夜才开始痛
半醒过了一晚
第二天跑去继续上班，因为星期2两个Q的报告是要file的
但是M老板居然因为credit card over limit，说什么如果中午的时候不fix，why don't go home and rest
一般都是有24小时的waiting period，i can't do nothing about it
虽然后来他和J老板都向我道歉，但是真是冷到心里去呢
我的ethical sense太强吧？如果是美国人，就算公司破产估计也不会上班

下午我跑去看医生
family docotor被我的伤口吓到，叫我去看Podiatrist
但是上个星期体检的血液效果出来，说我的liver指标偏高，就又抽了我一管血，给我打了一针
因为说是要把指甲取下，我就想打电话给老妈，结果都没有接到吧
去了podiatrist那里，把整个脚趾头冻住后就把指甲取下来了
但是还是感到很恶心的痛感

一切弄好，回去上班，继续工作到晚上七点，老妈才给我打电话
我告诉她指甲的事情，结果被骂了一通
说我为什么发生的时候不告诉她
我说只会让她担心，她又不能做什么，弄好了再告诉最好么
老妈然后说什么wish i have a bf to take care of me
我笑死，和她说what can a bf do, 我自己伤口不都是自己清理的，然后自然有医生来处理，就算有bf怎样，bf自己也会有工作，也会有stress

maybe i'm too independent for my own good, but that's the way i am